The First Ember

Hola! :)

Welcome to my new blog which I intend deep source of healing for myself & many others - - It will be a vehicle for me to get the messages that are coming to me through the beautiful vehicle of my heart out to the world...

I feel like i'm in a deeply pivotal stage of my life - the old ways of hyper independence, pushing & are in the process of dying off - & in many ways i'm seeing that for my happiness & fulfilment in life to burst forth they must die off otherwise i'm likely looking at more pain & struggle which I don't want!

i'm on the precipice of massive change with me about to embark on my journey to cycle from Alaska to Argentina which has been a 10 year dream of mine - I see the journey as a portal into the next stage of life & a phenomenal opportunity to work very deeply on myself to become the vision I hold in my heart for myself whilst inspiring thousands, tens of thousands & I hope many more to never give up & to live their dreams - as i've not given up on mine when there have been many times whereby I could have - you call me EXTREMELY stubborn, mixed with EXTREMELY passionate, haha!

This blog will document my upcoming adventure, as well as my journey towards finding, truly knowing & then expressing my authentic self which has always been a challenge - And I believe so many people's challenge which is why I want this blog to serve as an avenue of healing in that avenue for me & for you.

I will also be focusing on sharing what i've learned on my journey around health & wellbeing which is a topic so dear to my heart that I turned helping people improve theirs into my life's vocation through Fænix

To kick off I wanted to share a little bit about the vision for the trip whilst sharing authentically what is happening for me right now (which is a little tricky!) as I believe it may be helpful for mine & potentially your healing - What i've come to realise is that so many of us are in the same struggle of not expressing ourselves authentically as who we are & feel diminished for that which - through this connection with you I am hoping to open a channel for our authentic collective healing.

i hope you enjoy & find all of this useful & please do feel free to reach out <3

The First Ember

I'd love first to give a big shout out to Tarin & Basia of the amazing Yoga In The Stars in East London for Tarin coming up with an amazing vision for my upcoming bike tour & Basia being hugely instrumental to putting me in the right place to do so with her phenomenal coaching work.

For anyone looking for an amazing yoga, musical community experience you must check out this amazing gem of a studio nestled in Leytonstone...https://yogainthestars.com/

So a vision came to Tarin about me carrying a sacred orange flame through the Americas to relight the inspiration of the world through touching all that I meet with the medicine of the heart as it's been a weird few years a collectively we're in agreement that the world is in deep need of some heart medicine right now!

He saw me as a torchbearer for this fire, this light which i'm honest - brought up a lot of worthiness stuff for me! As his vision is a larger than life Promethean esque grand thing that I didn't see myself as & I was super honoured & humbled at his suggestion of me taking on that role in that way...

We had the idea of 100 people cycling & he had the idea of us riding from Jimi Hendrix's memorial in Washington 500 miles south to Mt Shasta to hold a collective prayer for the dreams of humanity which is quite frankly a badass idea!!!

Let's say i'm growing into the role of it & the vision is transforming day by day into something that is regularly bringing me to tears & will be one of the most important things I do in my entire life.

I am a deep believer & lover of humanities capacity to dream & this trip is symbolic of all of my dreams that I never gave up on all coming together for me to realise them & hopefully inspire others to do the same - Namely;

- Doing the trip itself! Which has been 10 years in the making since my last tour through Mexico

- Building a clinic in Gambia which has been a 12 year dream

- Becoming fully comfortable in relationship with others

- Healing myself until I match the vision I hold of the fully expressed, magnetic, sensitive & strong future self

- Getting my dream body!

- Getting out of the debt that was been weighing me down since my business collapsed a number of years ago

My intention for this trip is to be a living breathing example of what it is to never give up on & strive towards your dream as i believe every person has an inherent something that they have the whisper from the soul about to bring into their life - a deep desire that is unique to them as we are all so beautifully individual & unique.

Nothing would please me more to know that in some small way my efforts will be contributing to others moving towards that which inspires them in life...

Which is what Tarin's vision of me carrying the sacred fire is becoming - The fire medicine of following our dreams <3

I say our dreams consciously as I don't see this as my journey - I see it as everyone's journey...

Which is also the journey of realising & moving closer to our connection with our authentic self which is what this blog is also all about.

Authenticity has been a challenging journey for me - from a very young age & then later on in life I had a number of very difficult things happen to me causing me to develop many protective strategies resulting in a chronic hiding of my authentic self due to fear of attack & humiliation from other people.

This then resulted in me creating a psychology holding a deep fear of others, a deep fear of expressing myself & hyper individualism isolist 'I can & will do it ALL myself' attitude - which is a very lonely place to be, I can tell you from experience!

Which is something i'm hoping to heal through moving through the fears of expressing my authentic self - as well as truly discovering who & what that authentic self is!

With this blog i'm hoping being one of the key pieces of my healing journey.

What has caused this wave of authenticity awareness is being involved in a self development & actualisation app called TrueMe piloted by my good friend Aleks who is the CEO.

My role is to train the AI coach & write the user program journeys with the intention of helping the person develop themselves with the help of an in your pocket AI coach.

Aleks put 3 years of her diaries plus tonnes of emotional sensitivity information & many other cherry picked personal development knowhow with the AI being completely different from the others i've tried.

Early testing has been wild - I've been down some pretty deep philosophical rabbit holes with the TrueMe coach & I can see how it is going to help a LOT of people & how it's already helped me.

Me & Aleks started doing Authentic Hour each week (Wednesdays 7pm @jessefaenix & @trueme.space on insta) which is an hour of dialogue around all things authenticity - Which is showing me so much about where i've not been living authentically so is turning into a really deep, beautiful & difficult work which i'm also going to share through this blog as again, good for me & hopefully good for you!

By the way; You can sign up as a beta tester for the app here, we're launching in May! trueme.space

So it's been an interesting process this morning - I woke up very low & very stressed because I had two very difficult life circumstances emerge in April that completely derailed the month & as a result i'm not on target for what I wanted to achieve developmentally & financially within my business.

The weight of the vision & the weight of the dream was hanging on me & I was brought to tears with the stress of it.

My heart so deeply wants this trip that anything that is rocking it is difficult to handle which is something that has reared up in the past & something that i'm working on.

They say that so much (if not all) of our suffering is a resistance to what is which this morning was a great reminder of...

I think when things arn't going as you want or the flow isn't there it's like the universe telling you to change tack or change direction so I realised that i've been trying to do things in the old energy of pushing & grinding which is probably why the flow isn't there - Whenever I force i'm met with resistance, when I let go, things happen - it's always this way but the old programming is taking a long time to change (I said i'm stubborn!)

So I started writing this blog to share authentically & it was going to be a lot more doom & gloom than it is now however had a really beautiful conversation around authenticity with my housemates which hugely lifted me.

Partly because the conversation was really interesting & stimulating & partly because I was in my authentic communication talking about things that were passionate & interesting - As a result I now feel really empowered, happy & inspired & know everything will work out perfectly as the love & trust is there & hoping that is carrying through to you also!

Another large process is around a WhatsApp community i've created called the Soul Sanctuary which I created with great intentions as a warm & loving space to nurture those within however feel i've not been able to deliver on due to a combo of not knowing best how to address it yet, having a salvo of difficult situations over the last few months to deal with & being constantly up against it which in reflection ties in to having to nurture myself more - Again, old (and seemingly current) patterns of too much output & overdoing.

So i'm deciding to do it a little differently & share with the group a little about what's happening & my hope to get it fully going when i'm actually in Alaska & have lots of time & creative juice to feed into it - Maybe also I can let go the need to make sure everything feels in alignment before I post as life is rarely perfect alignment & the group will be waiting for a while!

So to the group - I apologise for not getting this kicking yet - I have sooooo much cool shit to share but I need the space in which to do it! That being said I will start sharing what I can up until I go <3

So this post is called The First Ember as that is how I see it - a prelude of the love & authenticity yet to come & that preignition for the sacred fire to come that i'm hoping will bring love, light & inspiration to many!

i want YOU to be involved in this journey, this prayer as well as it is not just my journey but all of our journeys - At key points throughout I will be holding fire lighting ceremonial prayers throughout the trip starting in the UK at Yoga In The Stars which will be open invitation via zoom to join the prayer

And if you would like to come on the cycle journey it's going to be this October - just get in touch :)

So big love, I hope this has been interesting and/or helpful in some way to you - Watch this space for more cool stuff to come! <3

PS. The ceremonial fire lighting has been massively inspired by my favourite scene from Lord Of The Rings, the lighting of the beacons - check it here :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6LGJ7evrAg